[SATIRE] Soup in the (Garbage) Can

“So…When are you gonna do it?”

“I’ll do it when the time is right.”

This is a very familiar course of conversation for college students. We know we have to do something, but there is always just this “something” missing. Something’s not right, something’s too hot or cold, someone’s too lazy or tired (or too messy or too organized)---we come up with anything just to keep us away from actually doing what we’re supposed to be doing. 

If you can relate to this, you’re on the right track---if you want to rule the world. It’s actually a legitimate way of doing things. In fact, it’s an approach to governance.

The Garbage Can Approach talks about four key elements in decision-making: the problem, the solution, meetings for decision-making, and the actors. These seem like reasonable elements to present, and they are. 

The problem arises when one considers the actual process of policy creation. How do these elements come together to create policy? Surely, there’s a very sophisticated, systematic sequence of steps needed in order to reach a conclusion. For at the end of the day, it’s about making very important decisions, right? 

The answer might surprise you. It’s garbage.

The Garbage Can Approach proposes a very unique approach to governance. It claims that all the elements are swimming in a very special magic soup which grants wishes and makes decisions for you. As these elements swim around, the elements will spontaneously align themselves (with the permission of the gods and goddesses of course) and a decision will be made.

What nonsense! It’s a completely useless approach! Come to think of it, it’s not even an “approach”, because an “approach” suggests “approaching.” The garbage can model is so passive that one can even make a claim that anyone can govern---and do so by simply waiting for the solution to society’s problems. 

Millennials have been accused of entitlement and expecting everything to be done for them---but this approach actually expects the universe to hand the politicians the answers on a silver platter. It’s like waiting for the fruit to fall. 

Now, I understand how leaders in the Philippines work.

Billy Gene Balsamo is currently studying law in the University of Asia and the Pacific, where he graduated with a M.A. in Political Economy. An accomplished debater, he is also the co-founder of the Collegium Perulae Orientis.

Originally published in Sad Clown Perspectives, December 15, 2019.